The Senior Sermon of Robert Goolsby, Class of 2005 from the Diocese of Southeast Florida, delivered February 24, 2005, in Christ Chapel

In the name of the undivided, Holy Trinity,
Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

A high ranking U.S. government official was having a conversation with a cabinet member one afternoon, and what would seem to be a simple exchange turned out to be frustrating confusion. The official began the conversation:

"Nice to see you. What's happening?"
"Sir, I have the report here about the new leader in China."
"Great. Lay it on me."
"Hu is the new leader in China."
"That's what I want to know."
"That's what I'm telling you, sir."
"That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader in China?"
"Yes."
"I mean the fellow's name."
"Hu."
"The guy in China."
"Hu."
"The new leader in China."
"Hu."
"That new leader guy in China!"
"Hu is a leader in China, sir."
"Now whaddya asking me for?"
"I'm telling you sir, Hu is a leader in China."
"Well, I'm asking you. Who is that new leader in China?"
"That's the man's name."
"That's who's name?"
"Yes sir."

Some of the most intelligent people can have some of the most confusing conversations; of course this one is a bit exaggerated. On that dark night, the very astute Nicodemus was on the search for this Rabbi, Jesus. He came at night to prevent his being seen by the religious authorities, and as the 4th evangelist alludes, Nicodemus was a man who lived in darkness, because of his disbelief, or refusal to live in the light. He was a leader of the people, and a great teacher. He, and the community that Nicodemus represents, have heard about Jesus and regard him as a "teacher who has come from God". Nicodemus is intrigued and wants to confront this man; perhaps get to know him; see what he's all about. So Nicodemus goes off into the night to search for Jesus. Of course he finds Jesus, as the language of the Fourth Gospel regards the Son as "the light that shines in the darkness." Their conversation was one that threw Nicodemus into an intellectual tailspin as he could not grasp, even with all of his education, what Jesus was talking about. Jesus told him, "You need to be born again from above." "What?" "From above." "When?" "Now." "What do you mean?" The Spirit comes and goes." "Where?" "Here and there; it's like the wind, it can't be predicted." And then Nicodemus' ultimate question, "How can these things be?" His question intrudes on what he thinks is possible; keeping him from embracing Jesus' words. Nicodemus was using his rational and empirical logic, as he tried to grasp what Jesus was saying. The word that the gospeller uses to describe this second birth is "anothen" which has a double meaning: "again" and "from above". This term has a strong sacramental reference to it as baptism is a gift from the Spirit. To be born from above or of the Spirit, in this context means to enter a full and public discipleship of Jesus. To become a "child of God". Nicodemus had to step out of the night and into the light. But he wasn't quite there yet. "How can these things be?" What Nicodemus needed to learn was "infused" knowledge, or knowledge of the heart.

So how do we know anything at all, let alone the concept of who God is? Immanuel Kant may have persuaded modernity that we only know anything at all through the categories of our own subjective judgment of things as we perceive them. But theology pokes at the borders of human consciousness, beckoning us to think beyond the temporal. There is a drive that we have that pulls us in and out of our "darknesses" as we attempt to search for the light. According to Karl Rahner, this is a transcendental drive existing in each of us. He calls it the transcendental experience because each one of us, "in every spiritual act of knowledge, grants us an openness to the unlimited expanse of all possible reality." The sensible must be raised up by God to the spiritual.

When I did CPE a couple of summers ago, I faced a similar challenge. CPE is a time that we integrate the knowledge that we have acquired here in seminary with the spiritual knowledge, the infused knowledge, the knowledge in our hearts, that we have by virtue of being God's own. CPE is ten weeks of the practice of combining these two ways of knowing. There are factual, measurable things we need to learn, and then there is the real world. The real patient. The real family. The real situation; un-scripted. The problem that I faced, and it was brought up to me time and time again by other students, was my reluctance to get the rules out of the way. Like Nicodemus, I was hung up on the rules and the laws of the institution. Whether they be constructs of the Church or any of the concrete definitions of the various institutions that I represented. I wanted to make sure that I never over-stepped any boundaries, lest I break a Prayer Book rubric! What I mean, is that I kept limiting my own pastoral skills, my own "spiritual knowledge" for the sake of what? What I had already learned or what was yet to be learned in service to others? What was of the utmost importance was that I be available, both intellectually and spiritually to a given patient. When a pastor is working with a 52 year-old man who is losing his 50 year-old wife to a senseless disease; education, rules and rubrics are going to have to take a back seat. In our search for Jesus, we must come out of our darkness and give ourselves over completely into the light of Christ, if we are to be present in the moment and do God's work. God's Spirit comes as a gift of enlightenment and strength, and goes beyond human control or desire. "How can these things be?" the mind inquires. The Spirit answers, but not definitively, because it blows where it wills.

The conversation between Jesus and Nicodemus continues. And like any good, Jewish teacher to another, Jesus brings up Moses. You see, Jesus doesn't give up so quickly on Nicodemus, as a matter of fact he never gives up on him. He talks to Nicodemus about earthly things, and then quickly shifts back to heavenly things. Nicodemus remains confused and cannot move beyond his literal understanding and into the world of the Spirit. To try and help Nicodemus along, Jesus makes the connection to Moses' lifting up of the bronze serpent to his own body being lifted up onto the cross so that all the world might be healed. Going on to explain to Nicodemus that the Light has come into the world: Truth has come into the world not to condemn it but to save it. Because God loved the world so much. Judgement that comes precisely from God's love.

Jesus is lifted up and returns to the Father, but he will bring all of us, including Nicodemus, with him. Nicodemus more or less fades from the story at this point, probably wandering back off into the night scratching his head, wondering what in the world just happened. Even as present day readers of this gospel, if we don't allow ourselves to stretch beyond what our educators and even what our own church teaches us, we may miss a glimpse of Jesus searching for us. And when we do come face to face with him, our books, our notes and lap-tops may help us or block the view of our search. It kind of makes me think, 'what does a 5-8 page paper really mean?' Perhaps more than a grade.

The good news is that as we find ourselves wandering through the darkness looking for Jesus, we can know that he's out there; somewhere. Despite our humanness and all the baggage that comes with being human, Jesus is ready.

Frederick Buechner says that "the God of biblical faith is the God who meets us at those moments in which for better or worse we are being most human, most ourselves; and if we lose touch with those moments, if we don't stop from time to time to notice what is happening to us and around us and inside us, we run the tragic risk of losing touch with God too."

Good for Nicodemus. He set out on a search for Jesus, equipped with a religious education and ran the risk of putting himself in jeopardy. Jeopardy of a life changing event, as he meets with Jesus face to face. Jeopardy because searching for Jesus and finding him comes with a price. The more interest we show in Jesus, the more he expects of us. As we read through the rest of the fourth gospel, we find that Nicodemus does eventually come around. He comes around to learn who Jesus is by who he is, not by what he does and by what people say he does. Because if we just go by what we see and hear, we can't get the whole picture. He comes around to learn that as we encounter Jesus and listen, the Spirit of God will help us to grow into who God intends for us to be. It's the difficult process called sanctification, where the Spirit guides, convicts and empowers us so that we may see God's glory in the world. So that we may find God's Son through the darkness of the world. Nicodemus finally does "get it". And if it can happen for Nicodemus, it can happen for us. By thinking outside rational thought and thinking spiritually; he opens himself up to that unlimited expanse of all possible reality and beyond. When we all reach this, we are lifted up, lifted up into the embrace of the divine mystery. May it be true for us also, even as it was true for Nicodemus.